[45] Getting Better

It is shut.
It is complete.
And even if
It’s only one
Segment of many,
It’sn’t just any,
But the first.
My emotions ranged
Best to worst,
Driving me insane.
All that pain?
It was worth;
Much I’ve learned.

Getting better
Was never
A destination.

[44] Reminisce

The time has been so long
But so little as well:
Longlasting like a leap-year,
Shaking the annular rhythm;
Little like a lightning flash,
Or a blur– but we’re here so soon.
Either way, was it worth the wait?
I can hope and anticipate.

[43] And So Forth

Pushing hard
Gets you nowhere
When all you need
Is to relax,
Lay back,
Don’t panic so much–
Using others
As a crutch,
Even distractions as such,
Hasn’t had an effect
On you loosening your clutch.
This noose, in your hands…
Pouring sands.

[42] Liberation

Is the only way I can be free
To toil away with every key
Upon mundane work so endlessly?

I wish to create wonderful things,
My heart so loudly, proudly sings,
But that chance isn’t what it brings.

Where’s this put me?

[41] Another Birthday

Why needless pressure
To make something special?
While idealism feels nice
In a well ordered fantasy,
Striving for perfection
Is dangerous and misleading.
No one’s needing
To make me feel
That it’s less than real
Without festive zeal;
It’s always my time.

[40] Pushing Forth

How is it
To be with angels?
To be a part of,
To be happy,
To be love?

All I know
Is what you’ve given me
But what’s it like to see
All the world
So preciously?

Abstract geometry
With all these patterns twirled?
A colourful labyrinth
On a desolate world?

The psychedelic splendor
Of lysergic acid trips?
The force that pushes time on
Before and after the eclipse?

The Moon puts The Sun in shadow
But that isn’t a destination;
It’s only half of a translation.

I’ve been pushing forth so long,
Trying so hard to be free,
That I suppose I forgot how to be.

But… No one ever told me
That I couldn’t let go.

Except for me.

And for what?

So far I’ve lamented and grieved
But I never once concieved
A simple little notion:
What has any of it achieved?
What am I waiting for?
Someone else to open the door?
Life won’t give me anything more,
And this is what you knew
And you lived as much, too,
And to me, this is what you give:
The reason they call you festive.

[39] Set Forth

To be stuck in limbo
Is not an escape.

If you wish to be free,
You must choose.

And you know your choice;
You’ve never doubted that.

You have to see it through
If you’re ever to be better.

[38] Go Forth

Trapped in your sterile box
Attached to your premature coffin
You don’t want
To let go,
To escape,
Because you still call it home.
I promise it’s okay,
The world outside is worth it,
And you’ll always return.

[37] Freedom

I can
Let go of the weights
That I’m making for myself.

I can
Be who I wish
By saying it as so, but
Also by
Believing it
And living it
And giving it
Some time.

[36] Thirty-Six Days

I didn’t want to let go.
I wanted to stay holding on.
I’ve been trying so hard
And despite getting so far
Trying to make this for you,
I can never be more than me.

She stayed up through the night
And I always ask if I’m a burden
And I know she loves me
And I know she doesn’t think that
And I think I only ask that
Because I’m asking myself.

Can I handle the weight
Of pushing myself further?
7 days too late becomes more
Because I lack the strength
No matter my rationality,
There’s still so much pain.

Now time to work, but
On the project or myself?
I know you aren’t dissapointed.
You’d rather me be okay,
And work on my own hexis.
Why can’t I accept that?

Why don’t I want to let go!?
I have to get this done.
I have to finish what I started.
I can’t give up now, but…
They’re all telling me how much
I’m burning myself out.

We were side by side today
Regardless of my crazy hurt,
And I love you so much,
And I live to be a part.
I remember how happy you make me;
That’s what I have to hold onto.