[198] When It Starts To Snow

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I couldn’t bring myself to say a word,
And how I wish, now, that I only would.
One may believe that I had never cared,
But truly, to speak wrongly, I was scared.
Still, silence never signifies its source;
It’s heaviness weighs me down with remorse.

May it be still too late to say “Hello”?

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[193] Cognizance

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Aware of each passing moment.

Each second.
The next tick,
Next beat, quarter note
Of the song in my head
Playing on, without end.
Maybe if I listen on,
I’ll get lost in my thoughts,
And fall into a serene sleep.
Fall as gravity pulls me down,
Or does it not pull at all,
But play out as a moment,
Just as we fall through time?

Each minute.
The red numerals
Change again; among the dark
They are a harsh truth,
Illuminating how long it’s been
Insinuating I’ve looked again,
Instead of kept my head down.
Counting on, and listening,
The music still persisting,
The wonders keep on listing,
Mind wandering, insisting:
Just fall beyond the edge.

Each hour.
The restless silence
Is filled by my mind,
And spilled by my mind
Are emotions of every kind;
I’m loving, then hurting,
Overwhelming my exhaustion,
And time can’t be stopped,
The space overfilling,
I’m further far failing
With every passing feeling
Just always falling to dread.

Awakening not to morning light,
But aware it is there–
I finally fall asleep.

Unaware, I am free.

[192] Conscience

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Despite everything we know,
We don’t know why we know.
But that’s being conscious.

Despite everything I think,
I don’t know what I should.

And maybe that’s a con of science,
And maybe we’ve too much reliance
On the universe telling us
Our place in all of this
Or there being a reason
Or there being direction
Or there being an ending
Or there being beginning
Or anything at all.

At least, I feel
This moment is real.

This moment.
One moment.
Our moment.