Restless

Waiting

For

Time

To

Pass.

Is terrible.

I don’t want to think. I don’t want people to tell me I have to think. I think I can’t not think no matter how hard I try. I think therefore I can’t not think. I think I’d rather die. Oh well.

No matter how empty the room is, or how silent the air is, I hear shouting fill my head. Will you not rest? Will you not let me rest? Let me rest!

LET ME REST.

Silence isn’t serene, and stillness has stopped soothing my sanity, ceasing my sleeping, so supposing I somehow solve the scintillating light that fills my sight and kills the darkest night, assuming my encounter with it to be so serendipitous, though there is nothing serene about this scoundrel of a presence, I shall see the spill of its essence, and let it slowly die! Leave me alone. Let me rest. Please. Whoever you are, your anonymous droning is monotonous, and, oh, can I find something else synonymous with “obnoxious” to describe your endless meddling with my conscience? Leave me alone! Let me rest!

LEAVE ME ALONE. LET ME REST.

Another minute passes in my restless eternity.

Ice II

He sleeps.

But he won’t wake up this time. He’s gone. Taken out of the world of life and into the world of spirit. The flame is out, welcome the cold. Welcome to the other world. You’re closer to the world of dream than the one of reality.

Here, on the ground, our world is being shaken up. Something big is going to happen and I want to warn people, but I’m scared, and what if I’m just paranoid as always? I don’t want to mislead people, I just want them to be safe.

The days, the numbers, are haunting me. I know when to expect it but I don’t dare say a thing. I hope this is a false alarm. I hope that this is as bad as it gets. I doubt it.

Please, if you can speak to me in my dreams, I need to know what to do now.

Peace Treaty

Oh. …Hey. Hello, me. She wanted me to… make peace with you. I want to make peace with you. I want to make peace with myself. But… I don’t know how to write a peace treaty, so… this is gonna be a bit informal, if that’s okay with you…? Alright.

Listen… I know you think you hate yourself… but you don’t. You don’t have to. You’re an okay person. I know, you’ve made some errors and mistakes, but who doesn’t? You forgive others so easily. Maybe, you should forgive yourself, too. You’re no different from everyone else, so why do you treat yourself so much worse? You don’t deserve that kind of abuse, and you know it.

Today, you were just about ready to lose hope. You were ready to end it, weren’t you? I’m really glad you chose not to, okay? Please stay with me. Like… her. She can do it. You can too. I believe in you. Yes, really, I do. I promise.

I know you love her. No, it’s not meaningless. No, it’s not pointless. No, you’re not pointless. It’s completely understandable, and I understand why you feel the way you do. You don’t have to hide your feelings from her, especially if she wants the truth from you. I want you to be honest with her, because it’s what she wants. And because it will do you good.

You can have a point in life, okay? Remember all those ideas you had to help the people of the world? You can do it. Really, I believe in you. You can do it. You can change the world. You are intelligent, gifted, creative, and kind. You need to give yourself more credit for these things. You can’t just love people and exclude yourself, because you, yourself, are a person, too. As long as the self you are is the best self you can be, then you are doing all you can, and I’m proud of you for trying as hard as you do.

You can make it through this. I don’t want you to leave me. I don’t hate you. I swear, I don’t hate you. I love you. So please, stay with me. You’re worth it.

Signed September 2nd, 2015
Most sincerely, forever and always,
~Kaprekar