[238] Haiku x14


see this concrete wall
it appears unbreakable
to all things but time

notice how the world
may or may not still be there
when you shut your eyes

walk forward blindly
what if you never collide
with an obstacle

wish this world goodbye
travel ever deeper down
down into the dream

forget directions
you don’t know “down” anymore
or where you came from

recollect a dream
or a moment, relive it
over and over

this happened before
or did it? you can’t recall
is this even real?

could you find the words
to describe the place you’re in,
how it makes you feel?

let this paradox
consume everything

words lose all meaning
disintegrate into glyphs
imagined meaning

drift through empty space
nothing here to grab onto
to change direction

pushing will not help
no control here anymore
save your energy

drained of energy
drift into a deeper sleep
all else disappears

wake upon the snow
there’s no context to be found,
just a concrete wall


[234] Melancholic


Do you think it’s all
Things frozen in place,
A predestined fate?
Actions a futile state?
Do you feel you have no say?

I wish I could tell you
That I knew
It’s not so.
Though, all I know
Is how I feel;
How can I know that’s real?

[141] Thanataphobia


Thoughts existential,
Pushing against the idea of awareness
Of there being anything at all?

The mind fights back
When falling too far from reality.

Could nothing so easily exist?
Why is anything?
What would it be if it wasn’t?

Could nothing be without anything?
I feel I’m approaching something,
Something so much more than me,
Enlightenment far beyond physicality,

I’m pulled back
By Earth’s unrelenting gravity.

Is death weightless?

I’m pulled forward
By Time’s inescapable force.

Is death timeless?

I pull away.
I do not want to die.

Is death inevitable?

Where have I emerged from?
Why do I not remember before?
Will I forget everything after?
Can I promise forever if I don’t know?

Rationality tells me
Not to be afraid.

If in the end, I’m no longer,
I won’t recall to dread.
If in the end, I’m beyond,
I won’t be truly dead.

Regardless, all I can do now is live,
And share what energy I have to give.

Is it enough?

[133] Outside


How long can I stay away?
So much less fear in here.
Nothing I know’s exposed,
Nothing I feel seems real.

No one but me.
But unblinded, I still see.

Blood is still red,
And time always flies.
Lost things stay dead,
But time never dies.

Still without you.
Hiding away, nothing’s new.

I’ll open the door again.
I have to, if I want to continue.
And I do.
So do you.

You show me your hands were never tied;
You’ve been waiting for me on the other side.

[120] Ice V


I want them all to be happy.
I want to be happy.
I just want… could I find a balance
And appease them all?

I think humans are wonderful
I think they’re horrible
I just think… could I form a family
I don’t push apart as well?

I’m not just afraid to die,
I’m afraid for my legacy to die.
I’m afraid for yours.

Am I enough?
Am I just