[141] Thanataphobia

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Thoughts existential,
Pushing against the idea of awareness
Of there being anything at all?

The mind fights back
When falling too far from reality.

Could nothing so easily exist?
Why is anything?
What would it be if it wasn’t?

Could nothing be without anything?
I feel I’m approaching something,
Something so much more than me,
Enlightenment far beyond physicality,
But

I’m pulled back
By Earth’s unrelenting gravity.

Is death weightless?

I’m pulled forward
By Time’s inescapable force.

Is death timeless?

I pull away.
I do not want to die.

Is death inevitable?

Where have I emerged from?
Why do I not remember before?
Will I forget everything after?
Can I promise forever if I don’t know?

Rationality tells me
Not to be afraid.

If in the end, I’m no longer,
I won’t recall to dread.
If in the end, I’m beyond,
I won’t be truly dead.

Regardless, all I can do now is live,
And share what energy I have to give.

Is it enough?

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[133] Outside

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How long can I stay away?
So much less fear in here.
Nothing I know’s exposed,
Nothing I feel seems real.

No one but me.
But unblinded, I still see.

Blood is still red,
And time always flies.
Lost things stay dead,
But time never dies.

Still without you.
Hiding away, nothing’s new.

I’ll open the door again.
I have to, if I want to continue.
And I do.
So do you.

You show me your hands were never tied;
You’ve been waiting for me on the other side.

[120] Ice V

[120]

I want them all to be happy.
I want to be happy.
I just want… could I find a balance
And appease them all?

I think humans are wonderful
I think they’re horrible
I just think… could I form a family
I don’t push apart as well?

I’m not just afraid to die,
I’m afraid for my legacy to die.
I’m afraid for yours.

Am I enough?
Am I just

Frozen?

[98] Spiders

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Some things invoke fear,
While others invite luck.
Whether or not irrational,
These feelings are always real.
A little present prod or poke
To a precedent point in the past,
Or preminition, predicting providence.

Little connections
Like spindly legs
Reaching out far
And grabbing hold
Of the networks
Tied by string.

The mind grasps on
To anything it can
For rationalization.
Patterns always form,
Groups always swarm.

It could all be
Noise,
Interpreted as something
More,

But all effect has cause,
No matter how unnoticed.
Every word and thought

Only a reaction
To the previous

In a nexus of ideas.