[114] Troubled


Like an inescapable odor
I can’t just breathe
And let it be gone.

I can try to ignore it,
But when I feel so sick,
I must attend to it.

I don’t know the source;
So many things have been left
In dark corners left unseen.
What has begun to rot
I’m left asking still.

Do I throw it all away?


[101] I


I am afraid.

I guess when
I pretend that
I don’t feel that way
I don’t really help anything.
I can’t expect to move forward if
I can’t accept where
I have found myself.

I don’t know how you and
I are going to make this work.
I know that you and
I are strong together, and
I have faith in us. But,
I have fear, as well. And
I have felt so sorry for this.

I think you want me to see that
I shouldn’t be sorry for feelings
I can’t control, expected feelings
I have known were a part of the deal.
I understand. It took time before
I could see this, but
I think it’s clear now.

I am afraid, but
I can move forward.

I am afraid, but
I am more than that.

I am afraid, and
I am alive.

[40] Pushing Forth


How is it
To be with angels?
To be a part of,
To be happy,
To be love?

All I know
Is what you’ve given me
But what’s it like to see
All the world
So preciously?

Abstract geometry
With all these patterns twirled?
A colourful labyrinth
On a desolate world?

The psychedelic splendor
Of lysergic acid trips?
The force that pushes time on
Before and after the eclipse?

The Moon puts The Sun in shadow
But that isn’t a destination;
It’s only half of a translation.

I’ve been pushing forth so long,
Trying so hard to be free,
That I suppose I forgot how to be.

But… No one ever told me
That I couldn’t let go.

Except for me.

And for what?

So far I’ve lamented and grieved
But I never once concieved
A simple little notion:
What has any of it achieved?
What am I waiting for?
Someone else to open the door?
Life won’t give me anything more,
And this is what you knew
And you lived as much, too,
And to me, this is what you give:
The reason they call you festive.